I endure sadness for it opens my soul, and I welcome obstacles for they are my challenge………..Those two sentences follow up two others that are very happy and encouraging. It’s not just about the good ya know. Remember Emerson’s compensation. There is a good AND a bad LOL. I sit here wondering why things feel so hard these last few days. I am going to just be real about it and write as when I do, it is like speaking with my inner world about it.
It’s not that MKMMA tasks are hard, it is the feeling inside of me that is hard. Hard to endure. I don’t want to but I am going to. Does that make sense? Enduring sadness seems to be quite opposite of what MKMMA directs us to do. I mean if we feel sad we need to affirm with great gusto “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy”!!!! and replace that sad thought right? But here I read OG (did my second reading just now actually Thank GOD), and I am to endure sadness for it opens my soul and I am to welcome obstacles for they are my challenge. These last two days have certainly had some sadness and inner world obstacles. I have not missed ONE task in my MKMMA journey and I have been filled with great enthusiasm, yet I am seeing that I am human. I see deep inside me why I feel this way and it is disappointing to me that these things still bring about the “sadness” and “obstacles”. Haanel says that it is truth that changes us and my truth right now is that this process takes endurance! Although I have done the work WITH intense feeling and yelling and tears and fist pumps, the battle ain’t over yet! LOL
The thing that began this process was two fold………..A comment from my Mom and a damn TV show. These two things lead to the “obstacle”……………FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. Before these two things I was like, “I don’t care what happens I am forging ahead and burning the bridge behind me”. SERIOUSLY confident and powerful. You see, I have been on FIRE and fear of the unknown future was becoming so very small to me. Then my mom’s own fear of the unknown for MY future, expressed in loving words, was like a fiery arrow and a spear of anger. My love shield repelled it the first time but it crept its way in later as the thought kept coming back and eventually my 7 day diet had to be restarted probably a million times since yesterday LOL. Then the TV show THE PROFIT that I watched with my wife sent over a few more arrows and spears regarding business debt. I prefer to have no debt but real estate is one of the things I am doing and it is rarely done without debt or leverage (mortgage). This lead me to begin doubting the outcome of the a huge project that I am a part of which lead me to reaching out to another real estate guy who I KNEW would probably tell me it was a bad idea. DAMN! Did you see that????? I actually sabotaged myself there. 🙂 I say all this so you can see how the chain of events and thoughts went.
According to OG, who gives a freakin care, endure the sadness and welcome the obstacle and remain in love. According to Haanel, don’t dare let that thought stay awhile and remember that you are whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy. I am doing all of it, at the same dang time. I am actually laughing out loud right now about it. I mean seriously, I am affirming the truth and enduring the truth at the same time. Yes I feel sad and the dang obstacle is actually in me and it is that heinous obstacle called FEAR. I was almost excepting that it was easier to head to the mirror to tell my man in the mirror that I don’t want to live in the unknown. Do you realize that no matter how many times I step out into the unknown, no matter how much experience I have at it, it is still scary. I still recoil. I am so glad it’s coming up though because I welcome the obstacles RIGHT?????? I am not heading back home on my hero’s journey NO, I am staying here in the unknown and it is damn uncomfortable. HAHAHAHA.
Anyway, I guess the thing that sums all of this up is that even though I am on this MKMMA journey, doing EVERYTHING as we are intended to do, I still have some fear. It is much less than ever before in my life. The process is not done and probably never will be. One of my PPN’s is autonomy and I think a huge part of the process of obtaining that fully in my life is to live with the question and live IN the unknown…..feeling fully alive while I do it. Heck, I could just be sitting back at the family business watching each day pass by knowing I wasn’t going for my dreams. My how far I have come and how far I must go. Good thing I know how to run an ultra-marathon, because we are all in one with MKMMA.
Thanks Bella for your post that helped me have the courage to do this post https://bellasmasterkeylife08.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/week-9-why-now/